Why Women Avoid Financial Decisions
“Hi, It’s Tresa. It’s been a while since we talked. Just checking in to see how things are going. We should discuss the change in the market and how that might impact your vision for your financial wellbeing. Give me a call or send me an email about when it’s a good time for you to connect. Thanks, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Have you ever heard that message, or something similar on your voicemail? Did you decide to blow off the caller, because you didn’t feel like calling back, felt annoyed, thought you knew what they wanted to say, and decided it wasn’t that important? Did you even consider that what the caller had to offer might be beneficial to you?
As a financial advisor who has left thousands of messages like that over the years, I want to say that not being called back really sucks! And not for me, but for you. I’ll admit that I get a bit flustered. I might lose some sleep. I might get a bit anxious!
But, I’ve been in the situation where I’d rather put my head in the sand and not look. And I know what happens. And I don’t want that to happen to you.
When you don’t return my calls, this is what I read between the lines:
I have so much on my plate already. I don’t have the bandwidth to make any more decisions.
I have all I can do to keep up with life today. I can’t even imagine my future.
I’m scared. I feel like I’m three steps away from being a bag lady and will be a disgrace to my friends and family.
And I understand. I felt that weight in the past, and still do occasionally. I understand how overwhelming it feels managing the demands of work and home life, let alone figuring out how your company benefits work, whether you need life insurance or not and how to set up your will. Not to mention the flip flop of the investment markets. Just staying afloat saps your energy and dreaming of the future seems too exhausting to entertain.
I really do understand. And yet, I can’t let you stay there. I have to speak up and say that it’s only overwhelming because you decide it is. It’s exhausting only because you let the negative thoughts of “I am not enough” and “I don’t deserve” steal your dreams from you. I know those thoughts aren’t true and I want to help you realize that too. Those horrible and energy sucking thoughts were installed in your psyche over years of controlling messages from your parents, husbands, bosses, and other well-meaning people that you decided to listen to.
I invite you to listen to me for one sec. Try to hear this — THOSE PEOPLE, WHO YOU LISTENED TO IN THE PAST, DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.
Most of the messages we believe to be true are based on someone else’s agenda! Your parents yelled at you so you would stay safe, so they didn’t have to go through losing you. Your husband told you that you weren’t smart enough to handle the money, so he didn’t have to share it! Your boss wants you to do it his way, so he doesn’t have to go through the process of facing his own fears and learning something new!
Sorry if that seems a little harsh. I may not be right about those agendas, but I am right about where your problem with money begins.
Your problems are not about the money.
Your problems with money are about what you think about money.
And the good news is that you can change what you think.
Maybe you do want to finally figure out why your life isn’t where you want it to be and what it takes to make it better. If you do, would you please call me back? Then I won’t have to make up stories about why you didn’t.
